Remembrance
by Unstable Firestarter
Summary: He was breaking up, breaking into pieces-the fading was nearing its completion-but he still had things to say, something important. "Live," he breathed, looking to the other again, "For me. Promise me…" Xigbar/Demyx.


**A/N:** Based on roleplays with a friend of mine, but I think all the explanation needed is given in the fic~ Oh, except that Moira is the girl that Dyme (Demyx's other) had been in love with and was going to marry.

* * *

It was starting to become too much. There were too many thoughts…too many memories running through his head. He just wanted them all to stop, somehow, to make them shut up. He didn't want to relive these things; he wanted them to be forgotten about. Whenever someone asked him about the end, how it had happened, he always replied, _'I don't know'_. But that was a lie-he remembered many things from his past life, though most of them were from he met Moira, on-he still remembered many things. He remembered _too_ much, really.

For instance, he remembered who it was that had shot Moira, who had pushed him over the edge into darkness. In other words, he knew who had fucked him over when he'd been Dyme, and resulted in his existence as a Nobody. He'd tried to push that night away, but recently, for the past two days, every time he closed his eyes to sleep, he saw that face. They looked so much like his Xigbar, and yet they weren't, not quite. The connection was there, he'd noticed it the most in the days shortly following his joining the Organization, but with time it had faded.

_Until recently._

First Moira had shown up a few days ago…except she wasn't Moira anymore, she was a Nobody, now Roxima. That had gone…disastrously well. And that was only the start-that had been the first push to remembering his past again, when he'd decided to open up a bit. He'd told Xigbar a condensed version of the events that had caused him to become a Nobody-the first person he'd ever told, and most likely the only.

Then, the other day, this…bounty hunter chick had shown up, claiming that Demyx was on her 'list' and she was going to take him to…some place. She'd never introduced herself, never really stated her purpose, but…her going after number IX had severely upset his Freeshooter boyfriend. In the end, even though his resulting anger had been directed towards the unnamed woman, and he'd been purely protective of the blonde water wielder, it had still reminded him of the man who had ended his Other's existence.

He clenched his hands in his dirty-blonde hair, fingertips tight against his scalp, and opened his eyes-because closing them didn't do him any good. Out-he had to get out of here. Sitting up, he violently snatched his Organization coat from where it lay on the floor, standing and shrugging into the sleeves before zipping it up. Just as he was opening a portal though, the door to his room opened and a familiar head popped through.

"Hey, Dem-"

"Not now, Xigbar," the younger replied, not even giving him a second glance before stepping through the open portal.

'_Xigbar'?_ Well, that was different-the blonde hardly ever said his full name unless something was wrong.

Demyx took a deep breath as he emerged on the other side of the portal, a sharp breeze immediately catching at his coat and hair. Striding to the edge of the cliff, he rubbed at his temples, trying to lessen the pounding in his head. It was to no avail though, and with a groan he looked down to the jagged rocks below as the surf slapped against them over and over. It would be certain death if he fell, he knew that, but oddly…he found the thought not disturbing but…somewhat welcome. Maybe that's what he needed at this point-a swift way to end his pain and torment.

While he was still considering this though, he heard a slight noise behind him, and turned his head slightly to look back over his shoulder. He sighed through gritted teeth upon recognizing the Freeshooter, not saying anything, and merely turned his gaze back to the ocean.

"Dem, is something wrong?" Xigbar asked, and the blonde could hear the concern in his voice.

"Go away," Demyx replied-he really didn't want the other here, not now, not with how he was feeling, he was…afraid.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" the older Nobody said.

"I don't want you here, Xigbar," the water mage snapped through his teeth, forcing himself to continue on to say things he didn't mean but had to sound like he did, "Leave me the fuck alone, I…I hate you."

He couldn't see the other's expression, and for that he was glad; just imagining was bad enough. He didn't want to say those things, but…he was afraid of what could happen if he lost control, lost his temper. This was all grating on his nerves so much, and it would be made far, far worse if he accidentally ended up hurting Xigbar.

"D…Dem, why would you say that?"

Demyx started to make a reply, but then stopped, merely waving a hand with a small sound of disgust. Opening another portal just in front of him, he stepped through it, hoping to shake the other Nobody. The blonde emerged at Addled Impasse, relieved to see that Saïx wasn't haunting the place like he usually was, and made his way towards the windows. He'd always liked the view from this room, with the heart shaped moon so close in the eternally night sky, maybe now it would help him to get his troubled thoughts back under control.

Apparently he was going to have no such luck though, as a few minutes later, he caught sight of a portal opening out of the corner of his eye. He stayed facing the windows though, and let the silence continue until finally, he sighed.

"Please…just go away," the blonde said quietly, for the moment all the anger having drained from his voice.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," Xigbar said, and Demyx could tell by his tone that he most definitely didn't plan on leaving until he told him.

The musician turned his eyes up to the heart shaped moon, thinking over things for a moment as he raised one gloved fist to the side of his head, trying to fight back his headache. "I…_do_ remember what happened at the end. I know who ended my Other's existence," he said bitterly, at last, and paused to look back over his shoulder. Looking away again quickly at the Freeshooter's troubled expression, he continued, "He's…he was part of you, I know it."

He fully turned now, watching as the color drained from Xigbar's face, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Demyx swiftly cut him off.

"It sickens me to think that you're both part of the same person," he said_. And yet I love you just the same, I just can't take this any more, these thoughts are tormenting me._

"I hate that you're connected." _But I don't hate you, I could never hate you._

He raised one hand, a ripple of water swirling into existence around his fingers, and he turned his gaze down to it so he wouldn't have to force himself to look at Xigbar, to see his expression. _I don't want to hurt you, just the opposite, but I can't let you see any hesitation…._ Abruptly he flung out his arm, sending a powerful jet of water surging from the palm of his hand. As he expected, the Freeshooter dodged easily, warping out of the way, but he kept up the aquatic onslaught, shooting out jet after jet until finally he'd lost sight of the older Nobody.

"Demyx! Just stop and think about what you're doing!"

The blonde spun towards the sound of his voice, firing another jet of water that missed by a mile as Xigbar once again warped out of the way.

"I'm not responsible for what he's done; you know I wouldn't hurt you."

Again he turned and sent out another jet, and again he missed. Gazing to where the other reappeared, Demyx nearly-for a split, fraction of a second-nearly hesitated. But he couldn't-if he hesitated, Xigbar would believe there was still hope to talk him down, to make the blonde change his mind, and he would never be able to push the Freeshooter to the extent that he had to.

In an instant, he'd locked on to the water that resided in the other Nobody's body-because, after all, the human body was 75% water, and water was his element-and flung him across the room, towards the opposite wall. At the last second though, he dropped control, allowing Xigbar just enough time to warp before collision, and Demyx hoped that it was warning enough to let him know he was serious.

"I don't care what you say," the musician stated callously. _That's a lie, I do care. …There's just…so much pain._

Again he assumed control of the other's body, immobilizing him, and-steeling himself against it, knowing what it would do-he exerted just enough tension to cause some of that water to think about being drawn forward. He met Xigbar's gaze with a completely emotionless expression, not letting on one bit how much this hurt him to do.

"Fight back," he demanded evenly, releasing the other. _End my pain for me…_

"Dem, you don't have to do this. You're upset, just talk to me," Xigbar said.

The blonde ground his teeth together, refusing to listen-he was afraid that he was so close to snapping, that his attacks would lose their carefully controlled aspects and he'd end up killing the other. "Fucking attack me," he growled, taking control again and shoving the Freeshooter back, tightening his molecular hold until he could see the discomfort-close to pain-in his expression.

He drew back enough to allow Xigbar to summon his Gunarrows, tightening his remaining hold again until he saw him grit his teeth at the pain-and winced inwardly. The response was swift and clear-two arrows were fired, both of them sailing by narrowly on either side of the blonde's head. Demyx didn't even flinch-but he knew they'd both been purposeful misses, warning shots, because in all the time he'd known him, he'd never seen Xigbar miss on accident. He was still hesitating, still didn't want to hurt the musician if he didn't have to-Demyx would have to change his mind.

Waving one hand in front of him, the blonde created a tall wave that emerged from the floor and crashed across the room, heading straight for the other Nobody. As expected, the Freeshooter started to warp to avoid it, but quite _unexpectedly_, Demyx seized control of him again, dragging him back and flinging him into the wave. It wouldn't do too much damage-at least, that's what the Nocturne was hoping as he watched the results anxiously. He hadn't even realized he'd been holding his breath until the wave receded and he saw Xigbar struggling to his feet, and gave a small sigh of relief.

He couldn't let this relief show though, he kept his face emotionless. "I _will_ kill you," he said through gritted teeth. _Unless you kill me first. Please…I really don't want to hurt you, I couldn't live with myself._

Things were taking a worse and worse turn, they were both aware of that; if Demyx was going to prevent the other from successfully warping, he was so much more vulnerable to the Nocturne's attacks. Soon it would truly be kill or be killed, and Xigbar would have no choice but to…. But until that time came-_if that time came_-he was going to do everything in his power to stop Demyx without hurting the boy.

Without any more hesitation, the blonde lifted a hand again, sending forth a stream of water at the Freeshooter, at the same time keeping enough of a hold on him to stop him from warping. Dodging the old fashioned way instead, Xigbar fired off a single shot in return-just barely grazing the Nocturne's shoulder, and it was at that moment that Demyx knew what he had to do. He continued attacking, continued keeping the other from warping, waiting, just waiting, for him to fire more warning shots.

When he finally did, sending two that were meant to be only minor wounds, the blonde immediately stopped everything else-stopped his onslaught, released his hold on Xigbar, everything. Instead, he focused solely on forming small water shields in front of the shots, deflecting them. Two more shields, to deflect them again, bouncing them across the room like in a pinball machine. At first, his intention wasn't apparent to the Freeshooter, but then with a couple more deflections, re-routing them to exactly how the blonde wanted, it became very clear.

"Demyx, no!"

But the Nocturne didn't move, stayed where he was. There were no more deflections, and both shots passed neatly through his chest. He winced visibly as he started to fall, and already his façade was melting away, the false-hatred leaving his expression. At once, Xigbar had warped to his side, catching the blonde before he hit the floor. Demyx turned his gaze to the other, un-matching blue and green eyes already starting to fill with tears.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as the older Nobody sank to his knees, cradling him close in his arms, "I'm sorry."

There was no way to stop the bleeding, any efforts were futile, but nonetheless, Xigbar pressed a hand over the blonde's twin wounds, trying to staunch the blood flow. At the same time, he was trying not to let his fear and anxiety show, but apparently he didn't succeed at either.

"It's not your fault," the Nocturne said, choking back blood, trying so hard so that the other wouldn't have to see that, "I wanted to die."

"You're _not_ going to die," Xigbar said fiercely, the kind of fierceness that accompanies desperation, as he tried to figure out something, anything, to do.

"I was…losing control," Demyx said softly, his voice starting to lose strength as well, "I was…afraid to hurt you."

He winced again-the fading was starting, bits of black swirling up through the air, but he did his best to ignore it-and laid a hand on the Freeshooter's, the one over his chest. The blonde then lifted his other hand to the older Nobody's face, brushing his hand lovingly over the scar there, and Xigbar leaned into his touch.

"Don't do this to me, Dem," he pleaded quietly, struggling to keep his composure because it was uncharacteristic of him to cry.

"I'm sorry," the Nocturne whispered again, his eyes slipping shut for a moment. Despite everything, he felt comfortable, safe, cradled close to the other, his head nestled in the bend of Xigbar's arm. "I didn't mean…anything I said," he continued, forcing himself to open his eyes again, "I don't hate you…I could never."

"Dem…" Xigbar started.

The blonde silenced him with a single look though, sliding his hand around to the back of the Freeshooter's neck. "I love you," he murmured, pulling the other down for one last kiss.

"I love you too, Dem. I don't want to lose you."

Demyx closed his eyes, his forehead touching Xigbar's. He was breaking up, breaking into pieces-the fading was nearing its completion-but he still had things to say, something important. "_Live_," he breathed, looking to the other again, his gaze fixed unwavering on the sole golden eye, "_For me. Promise me…_"

"I promise," Xigbar whispered-oh how hard it was not to cry now, with the one he loved dying in his arms.

A last faint, serene smile lit the musician's face, and he breathed two last words before he faded out. Though they were inaudible, they were still as clear as anything would have been:

_Thank you._


End file.
